Grizzly Chicken

FIVE THINGS FOR MAX

2008-04-22T23:44:00.008-06:00

FIVE THINGS FOUND IN MY PURSE:

This was my purse. But it is now gone and so is everything that was in it.

FIVE FAVORITE THINGS IN MY ROOM:

My vintage horror posters in my kitchen.

My Barriss Offee costume I made.

My vintage Star Wars glasses

My Queen Mab fairy (she has my tattoo on her thrown)

My female Buddha tapestry.

FIVE THINGS YOU ARE CURRENTLY INTO:

1. Photography

2. Mocking porn MST3K style.

3. Star Wars collecting

3. Booze (apparently too much because I have two 3's)

5. The Tudors series. Omg, I LOVE IT!

FIVE THINGS YOU'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO:

1. Learn Kung Fu from a vigilant sensei in order to defeat the Kobra Kai

2. Be in a montage

3. Burst into song and dance in public

4. Be invited on stage at a concert like Courtney Cox in that Bruce Springsteen video but only if I can wear a sleevless t-shirt.

5. Write a novel

Chin up, Ashlee.

2007-05-06T00:57:00.000-06:00

The Purple Pieman is upset that Ashlee Simpson has taken advantage of his friendship only to to copy the look of his infamous chin.

Recently in a tear- filled interview the Pieman was quoted as saying:
"She befriended me, we had pie, she promised to help me take Strawberry out of Strawberryland. To rid the world of that irritating "berry" talk!! I can't believe she did this to me, I'm the Purple Pieman from Porcupine Peak!!!!"

The Purple Pieman has sought representation on this matter and has called on his former partner in crime Sour Grapes. Grapes would not comment at this time.

Above: The Purple Pieman, Ashlee Simpson and Beyonce Knowles
Event unknown.

--Flee and Judy

I lerve the 80's

2007-05-02T14:41:00.000-06:00

I miss the 80's. I was watching We are the 80's today, and was like hell yeah, bring back the high waisted pants and cinch belts, the poofy hair and jheri curls. I want to live in an 80's music video with my friends poorly choreographed behind me wearing neon socks and shoe strings. And then just when things are heating up, everything I do goes into slow motion. Oh yeah! Back when all we cared about was George Michael's ass. Long before Boy George was kidnapping people. When cheesy sitcoms ruled the world. A moral to every story. I want to Relax, because Frankie says so!!

--Judy

More hotness? Indeed!

2007-01-19T16:38:00.000-07:00

So the word is that Cameron Diaz has the hots for Kelly Slater now. Personally I think that Cameron Diaz looks a bit like Skeletor:

But she has great taste in men. I mean, Timberlake, is super hot:

And now Kelly Slater?

Skelediaz is a lucky girl. Kelly and Justin both are cordially invited to touch me inappropriately at anytime. Please, feel free gentlemen, anytime.

--Judy

Merry Christmakwanzakuh

2006-12-22T16:53:00.000-07:00

This new temporary segment of the Grizzly Chicken is going to be dedicated to Hotness...Every blog I arrive upon is usually devoted mostly to hot women...blah. Being that I'm not into chicks, that doesn't do much for me.
So, for the next few or possibly many posts (who knows, just run with it) ..I'm devoting GC to Hot Men....So many out there and hey girls need to oggle sometimes too. So if you came here for a nip slip or possible showing of the crotch (a la Britney or Lindsay) then you're in the wrong place. Today's hot man is one of my personal faves:

JASON SCOTT LEE

Awesome, I know. He's devine. Great body and such sexy eyes. I used to think it was because he played Bruce Lee (i love bruce lee)...but I realized that it wasn't just that. He's just gorgeous.
(Not really sure what's going on with his hair here, but really who cares. I certainly don't. I'd love to mess up his hair even more. )

--judy judy judy

We're Back Bitches

2006-12-20T00:22:00.000-07:00

Been a long time comin'....but we're back.

Be prepared for greatness.

Later.....

Judy

Oldie but a goodie.

2006-05-02T03:02:00.000-06:00

party on

Nice gams

2006-04-22T03:25:00.000-06:00

I'm jealous of this man's legs.
skort of that

Bagel chips.

---Judy

Request For God

2006-04-19T16:29:00.000-06:00

Are you there God, it's me Judy. You need to come down from the heavens and have a smoke with me. We can sit on my back porch and talk. I have some questions for you. Like why do people run away? Why did Mitch Hedberg have to die? Why is forgiveness so hard? Why aren't there any calorie free foods that taste like chocolate cake? Why do I always get a giant zit right before an important event? Why do you waste stellar bodies on ugly chicks and stick me with this one? So many questions, so little time. So, I'll be waiting, text me or whatever you need to do God.

We Are Together

2006-04-10T18:23:00.000-06:00

Me and Flee are together for a whole week. To take a peek at our antics check us out on our buzznets or myspace pages. We'll post some videos for your viewing pleasure later as well.

Judy's Buzz
Flee Buzz
Judy's Myspace
Flee's Myspace

People We'd Like to Lick

2006-04-03T01:45:00.000-06:00

Flee would like to lick:
Chris Daughtry
I tend to agree with his lickaciousness. Gorgeous, sexy voice..total package.

I'm sticking with Christian Bale.
I'd like to lick him a few times. He is also welcome to touch me inappropriately.

(sofa photo courtesy ChristianBale.net, greatest butt ever courtesy famousmales.com)

--judy

Douches

2006-04-02T01:56:00.000-07:00

So... many.... of them.... can't... breath!!

~~~~fleedawgie

Cowboys Eatin' Flies (Ha!)

2006-02-07T22:00:00.000-07:00

Created by Flee out of boredom.

Zombie Survival:Max Brooks

2006-02-01T01:03:00.000-07:00

Tonight I attended a lecture on:
The Zombie Survival Guide

It was great. I recommend this book to everyone, and if Max Brooks comes to a town near you -- drop everything and attend the lecture! It's highly educational and entertaining. Let's face it, we never know when zombies might attack and it's always wise to be prepared for such an event. By reading this manual and attending his lectures, you can be assured that you will be well informed and know exactly what you need to know to protect yourself and those you love.
The book and lectures touch on such things as weaponry, fighting techniques, safe housing, etc. Don't let yourself be fooled by Hollywood's glamorization of zombies. Max Brooks tells it like it is, the facts you never knew. The questions you were afraid to ask are all answered in this informative manual.
So, if you haven't yet log on to
Barnes and Noble
and purchase this book.

About the author:
Max Brooks is the son of filmmaker Mel Brooks and actress Anne Bancroft
He was a writer for SNL
He is the leading Western student in the Afro-Caribbean martial art Mkunga-Lalem: the world's oldest and most effective anti-ghoul fighting skill

-judy

No Comment

2006-01-13T00:08:00.000-07:00

Goatse This

----fleeeeeeeeeeee

Courtney Love's Ho's For Sale

2006-01-08T01:37:00.000-07:00

Courtney Love's house was recently up for auction in WA. Alas, no one wanted it.

Here are a few things Flee and I think the house smells like from a conversation we had recently: ( i wonder who's who? ha!) Yes we are mature, so suck it.....

AaronNeville says:
you shoulda bought courtney love's house
poop says:
i know. i missed out on it.
poop says:
it was in little rock i think, south of tumwater
AaronNeville says:
yeah
AaronNeville says:
prolly smells like dirty pubes and belly buttons
poop says:
sick sick sick
AaronNeville says:
that's what she looks like she smells like to me
poop says:
old books, balls and feet.
AaronNeville says:
lol
AaronNeville says:
sweaty balls and feet
AaronNeville says:
soaking in frog urine
poop says:
ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww
AaronNeville says:
smells like a mix between a pet shop and jessica's house
poop says:
chicken trash, spoiled bologna and mouse cage
poop says:
omg i know you di'int
AaronNeville says:
lol chicken trash is awful
AaronNeville says:
wet basement and old diapers
poop says:
ahhhhhhh noooooooooooo
poop says:
walmart womens bathroom and wet cheese
AaronNeville says:
oh nasty
poop says:
pasta salad, fresh fuck and filbert nuts
AaronNeville says:
prairie children and petrified dog poo
poop says:
oh god no
AaronNeville says:
potpourri glade and bowel movement

a few more we came up with post convo:
wet dog and potato salad
kung pao chicken and a soured rag
sink full of wet popcorn
egg burp, vet clinic and a possum carcass
coke belches and steamed cabbage
muenster cheese and peat moss
pikes market and diarhea
a dumpster full of canned tuna
funyuns and orange peels
corn chips and a damp sponge
greasy eggs and an ice cream float
next day liquor vomit and sauerkraut

tacos and Christina Aguilera

That one is my personal fave, awesome one from Flee.

...and again yes we know we're REALLY mature, and gee do we have anything better to do with our time and oh how old are we?? ( that was mostly for Pred)

If any of you have any good ones to submit, feel free! Post them on our tag board!

-- the grizzly chicken

Fun With Satan.. erm Santa.

2005-12-25T00:32:00.000-07:00

I think Santa was rubbing one out as I was typing to him. *Shudders*

Click for a larger view.

WTF?

No, I did not have anything better to do than to play with Santa Bot. Yes, I posed ridiculous questions for it to answer. Merry Stinkin' Crustmuss. --fleedawgie

I got your christmas right here, bitch.

2005-12-13T01:50:00.000-07:00

Dear Santa:
I've been a pretty good girl this year.
Here is a list of things I would like:

Wentworth Miller. I think my husband would be okay with it. Normally I ask you for Ewan McGregor but you never follow through, you fat bastard.

I'd like all the really fat girls to stop wearing belly shirts. I want magical powers that I promise to use only for good and the ability to put my leg behind my head. (medical reasons,ahem moving on...) I want Linda Lavin to come to my house and sing me to sleep every night. I want the Great Gazoo to fly around with me when I grocery shop. I want the ability to do a triple axle and chocolate cream pie that doesn't make me fat. I want to be able to teleport to any local, but that can fall under magical powers really. I'd like to time travel, change what I want and come back, see how it turned out, go back again and fine tune it. These are just a few things I want. I reserve the right to change this list at anytime before Christmas Eve.

Sincerly,
JudyFinkel

Camel Toads?

2005-11-11T19:07:00.000-07:00

At least the kid wasn't requesting a gander at ballsacs.... not that there is anything wrong with that. Well, yes there is. Noone should ever actually want to see a ballsac. A fluffy kitten? Yes. Ballsac? No. --fleedawgie

Fake Titties Got No Bounce

2005-11-09T01:56:00.000-07:00

So, I was kickin' it old school in the crib watchin' "The Big Easy" and had me a fit. Whatever, happen to this:

So, you may be askin' yourself..What exactly is the "this" your referring to Finkel? Well, I'm talking about natural sexy. The plastic-free hottness.
Ellen Barkin was hot!

There's a lot I'd like to say on the subject, but what's the point really. I'll just get flamed for being jealous, or not understanding the plight of the flat chested. I know plastic surgery does some good too, like for women who lose their breasts to cancer.

I would like to say though, Dads of the world, stop buying your daughters titties for their birthdays, its disgusting.

And women with fake double d's that didn't need them, if any one of you ever says to me "I wish guys would stop staring at my chest", just know that I will stab you with a fork, right in your saline sack.

Just look at Ellen and keep in mind...Sexy can be Real.

--Judy ....*steps off pedestal*

Waa Waaaa Here's a Binky

2005-11-01T17:29:00.000-07:00

I overheard, ok so I was 'accidently' listening in, a cellphone conversation my neighbors kid was having. She's a nice girl. She's a teenaged punkish gothish emoish chubby Asian-American girl. Separately those things make sense but all together creates a very confused kid. The girl and her brother live at home with their mother and grandparents who do not speak English. Her mother barely does. So anyways... she's ranting on the phone about how her mom and grandparents don't understand where she's coming from and that it's hard to explain to them because she doesn't really speak Chinese. At this point I was at the "Awwww, I sorta feel sorry for her" stage. The conversation goes on a bit about how she's feeling unaccepted and lonely. Ok, still feeling bad for her. THEN it furrows my brows... "My mom expects me to get a job and stop cutting myself. Can you believe she won't pay for my tattoos or let me get a skin corset! (I'm guessing that's where they insert rings into your back and you thread a ribbon through it like a corset.) So unfair! I've got school and friends to worry about. I can't work.". Ok little girl. Grow the fuck up. If you want a tattoo then pay for it yourself. Why in the hell do you want a skin corset? They look cool for about 3 seconds and did I mention you're a kid. I don't feel sorry for you. I can sympathize with feeling alone and not knowing where you fit in and all but oh my gawd get a job to pay for the things YOU DON'T need. And WTF whhyyyyyy must someone cut themselves? I'm sure her life isn't that bad. Honestly. Until you have a mortgage to pay, home to clean, husband to feed, children to nurture... just ONE of those things.. QUIT YER BITCHIN! Yeh I'm being harsh. I know. I was a teenaged girl once. It wasn't my place to be listening in.. blah blah blah... Right at this moment.... I don't care. Ya know, and people wonder why teenagers get on my nerves. Sheesh

------------------------------------------ Fleedawgie

I'm a little bitchy. I'll be 32 in 3 days.

Tricks and Treats Biotch

2005-10-31T00:01:00.000-07:00

Today I Give You: Things that gots (before you say anything, YES I know it's "have" but that isn't as funny) some spook and things that don't.

<-- My home address Gots Spook!!

<-- At first glance this is Un-Spookish... but for the lactose intolerant, like myself, the shits that arrive an hour later is filled with Super Spook.

<-- During the day not so much but sitting on your chest when you first wake up... Gots Some Spook

<-- This Gots Partial Spook. Kiddy is marginally spooky but the Burger King is full on spook.

<-- Aint Got Nern Fuckin' Spook Whatsoeva

<-- Umm yeh, Gots Spook

<-- JJ Evans Gots Some Spook up in the grill region.

Happy Halloween to all and to all a good fright. --- Fleedawgie

Whatcha Gonna Be?

2005-10-28T01:25:00.000-06:00

So, what are you going to be for halloween? No ideas? Here are a few suggestions for you last minute hallow-weiners...
You could be Mr. Kotter from Welcome Back, Kotter.

How about Chachi?

Klinger from M.A.S.H?

Go as your favorite breakfast cereal!

My personal fave: Leather man from The Village People.

Thanks to:
RetroCrush
for allowing me to borrow some pics.

--judyfinkel

Del-a-who?

2005-10-19T01:46:00.000-06:00

Lately, I've noticed that the Deluise's are everywhere. I had no idea there were so many of them

They've multiplied over the years.
First you have Peter DeLuise, best known for directing several episodes of Stargate S-G1:

Then there's Michael DeLuise:

I know him best from playing T.J (aka Gary) on The Gilmore Girls.

Lastly, there's David DeLuise (the cute one, yes there's a cute one):

He's had several parts, a recurring one on SG-1 is what I personally
remember him from.
(tidbit: each brother played in an episode of 21 Jump Street)

Now here's the winning question:
WHO IS LETTIN' DOM DELUISE HIT IT??

Just a thought.
--judyfinkel

Owl Be There

2005-10-16T19:23:00.000-06:00

I've been a big fan of the original O RLY owl for some time now so as I was bored and had nothing constructive to do... I made some new stupid owl characters. I have a black eye, I've quit smoking, I have cramps and it has been a pissy day. I honestly wish I could be more interesting and entertaining for you but it's not gonna happen.

------fleedawgie

Can you spot the king?

2005-10-10T00:58:00.000-06:00

The Burger King is always with you.

--judyfinkel

It's Nearly Halloween, My Bitches!

2005-10-05T04:39:00.000-06:00

Don't forget to get your damn spook on. I really don't have much to post but I felt obligated to say something that might entertain you for at least a minute or two. This year I'm going all out and dressing up. I've decided to be someone who doesn't participate in dressing up. It shouldn't take me but a second to get ready. Think about it, all I have to do is show up. The best part is that the costume is FREE.

Why do we still teach chittlins to say 'Trick or Treat'? I mean, it's not like anyone ever gives out the latter option. I have an idea. I'll collect an assload of live spiders and place them neatly upon the bowl of candy... under the candy will be a few razorblades and maybe a 20 dollar bill. This will be challenging for the youngsters. A very complicated trick. Maybe I will treat them to a over heated ginger snap if they are cooperative participants in my trick.

-----------fleedawgie

What I thought about today:

2005-09-26T15:33:00.000-06:00

This is the worst candy ever:

George Michael is still fine:

I think about moving a lot now:

I'm excited that this is going to be on The N:
original degrassi

I thought about a lot more, like I don't want to go to work because it sucks an enormous amount of balls. I thought Root Beer gives me those shitty reverse hiccup burp things. I thought wow I should clean the litter box and I wish it would get cold soon. I thought damn I need to paint my toenails and I can't believe I found my clippers after I just bought a new pair. I thought The Family Channel blows for moving the Gilmore Girls to a different time and replacing it with Step by Step...lame. I thought about how fun it would be to be on a soap opera and how some veneers are really scary. Now I'm thinking I better stop typing what I've been thinking because I've gotta go straighten my hair.

--Judyfinkel

Inane Clown Posse

2005-09-23T00:38:00.000-06:00

Hey Bitches!
It’s almost that time of year again. If you don’t know what I’m talking about then may your skid marks be moist and plenty. Halloween is near! I shant be dressing up in full costume this year but I will be donning this mask. It was only a dollar and quite scary if I do say so myself. The best entertainment a dollar can by… of course there was this one time I ohh nevermind. I wonder if you can get a Brian Peppers costume?
----------Fleedawgie

Shiver me Timbers!!

2005-09-17T23:16:00.000-06:00

Avast me hearties, tis I Captain Finkel, here to remind ye of Talk Like a Pirate Day. It be the 19th day of September, which be today! So, throw on ye patches and peglegs and be given me a mighty arrrr. Aye, don't be a lili-livered squiffy, join in the fun, ye'll be thankin' me come morn. Fer ye sprogs, who be needin' help thar are a coupla sites I be fond of for learnin' the pirate way...

Where it all began

Yarr

Yo Ho Ho!

Screw Gilligan

2005-09-07T16:54:00.000-06:00

"The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis" was the only Bob Denver vehicle that mattered. Maynard rocked. So, pour out a little for my homie Bob D.

--JuDyF

Flees One Minute Rant

2005-09-06T17:55:00.000-06:00

No I am NOT condoning the actions of our government one iota but my gawd people stop bitching for a minute and do something about it. I’m SO very SICK of hearing everyone complaining and whining about every little single decision our government makes or the actions the does. Do me a big favor mmkay? Get up off your lazy goddamned ass and run for city council, state government or the fucking president. Fuck, join the local homeowners association. I don’t give a rats ass. Actions speak louder than mother fucking crying. Thank you and good evening.

Carrot Over The Top

2005-09-04T16:17:00.000-06:00

I had planned on all these things to say about this picture but suddenly the words have vanished. Something about this is horribly disturbing. Is it the fact that it is Carrot Top or is it just plain flippin' ridiculous looking? Take a look at his face. No, go back and do it again slowly. Take it every little pixel. It appears that he has just crapped a load in his pants and is quite smug about it. Perhaps he has something hidden in his anus. Is it a carrot? By the looks of his chest I believe he has taken lessons for Jeff Corwin on how to keep ones nipples erect at all times. My, oh my, I'm so sorry I have shared this with you. I apologize, in advance, for any nightmares you may have because of this photo. Hey at least you didn't see the high-res version.
---Fleedawgie

Don't Be a Jerk

2005-09-03T00:20:00.000-06:00

I'm not jumping on a bangwagon but every penny counts. Put back the candy bar and donate that .59! Don't go to (whatever) fast food restaurant and give instead. At least you have a place to shit.
------The girls

American Red Cross 1-800-HELP-NOW
Salvation Army 1-800-SAL-ARMY
Habitat For Humanity 1-800-HABITAT
United Way 1-800-272-4630
World Relief 1-800-535-5433
North Shore Animal League 1-877-4SAVEPET
ASPCA 1-866-275-3923
Human Society 1-888-259-5431
Hurricane Housing...Shelter Someone

You Lil Bastard

2005-08-30T14:49:00.000-06:00

This message is for the spider that has taken up residence between my Softsoft body wash and the Aveeno shaving gel in my bathtub: "Fuck you and get the fuck out! This is MY HOUSE bitch! Honestly, there will be no squatters rights up in here. Don't even try that shit. This aint no bath and breakfast. The least you could do is leave me some rent. Just lay some twenties and some change in the soap dish and I will politely take my things and move in to the other bathroom if you so choose to occupy that one. I used to do this for a living so I can draw us up a lease agreement, no problem. Just let me know. Otherwise GET THE FUCK OUT!"

Note: Said spider is smaller than the one shown. That bitch is the one I captured for non-payment of rent in my living room about a week ago. --------Fleedawgie

This is why I miss the south.....

2005-08-29T15:40:00.000-06:00

People often ask me why I miss living in the south so much. Most times its pretty hard to explain. Southern hospitality, good food, etc etc.

So, today as I was checking the news on Hurricane Katrina, I ran across this picture.
A guy, his beer, and flood waters creeping up to his house. This is why I miss the south. I'm not going to explain further. If you get it, you get it. If you don't, you're not southern.

Pfffffffftt

2005-08-28T14:01:00.000-06:00

What the hell is this shit? C'mon, like there's a difference or sumthin'. Target has lost their minds. I need to go shopping. Don't want to. I have nothing to else to post here so I'll run along now. ----Fleedawgie

Hell Yeh Baaaaaby

2005-08-26T03:12:00.000-06:00

Anyone in the Seattle area MUST NOT miss Bumbershoot on Sunday September 4th!!!!! Not only will COMMON be there but THE PHARCYDE will be as well. Yeh, THE PHARCYDE! For you muthas that don't know who the hell they are you betta recognize and do some research. They are not to be described... one must listen for themselves. Damn you would think I just won the fruchin lottery over here. Ahhh Finkel I wish you were here. Move here NOWNOWNOWNOWNOW! -------Fleedawgie

Home Homeless are Strange

2005-08-24T15:22:00.000-06:00

So I went to Albertson's for a couple of things and I see something strange. There's a guy, ok he's a bum, that sits outside the main entrance no less than 5 days a week. No matter what day or time of day I go he's always there. Of course he was 'at home' when I arrived. There was something different taking place. With pen in mouth and legs crossed he was scanning and memorizing the pages of a dayplanner much like a mom does her newborn child. Then it hit me... why in the fuck does he have a dayplanner? What does he need it for? I'm a housewife and I don't need one so why does he? Is there more to bumming than meets the eye? I imagine his schedule looks something like this.

Wednesday August 24, 2005

9:00am --Wake up and roll over.
9:30am --Splash fresh dirt on face.
10:00am --Buy 40oz
10:45am --Hock up a loogie. Soil myself. Beg.
Noon --Dig up something good to eat.
1:00pm --Beg more.
2:45pm --Make new sign.
4:30pm --Urinate in pants. Wind down the begging.
5:00pm --Quitting Time. Ohh yeh!

6:00 - 7:00pm --Have leftovers and another 40oz
8:00 - 9:00pm --Curse and talk to myself.
10:00pm --Time for bed. Remember NOT to brush teeth. Soil self one more time.

I mean, for real.
Nothing beats the bum with the one roller blade I saw before. Nothing.
------Fleedawgie

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh

2005-08-22T14:58:00.000-06:00

Freaky Fish

I'm going to have nightmares for sure.

Yikes

---fleedawgie

Just look.

2005-08-21T02:00:00.000-06:00

Djimon Hounsou.
Yes, he's fine.
Judy and Flee agree.

Smiles Everyone,Smiles!

2005-08-19T14:28:00.000-06:00

Pred loves T.A.T.U, but he's got it all wrong.

Tattoo is the man. He and Mr. Rourke can hook you up! Can Katina Elena Sergeevna reunite you with the love of your life, only to find that she isn't the person you thought she once was? Can she grant you the wish of travelling back in time to become a sheriff in the old west? Can she turn you into a beauty contestant like your mother once was, so that you can win your father's love? I think not.

Tattoo.
He's all we need.

--judyfinkel

More Celebrity Look-A-Not-A-Damn-Thing-Alikes

2005-08-19T05:15:00.000-06:00

Wonderful Finds From The World Of Flee

This dude thinks he resembles Tom Screws. Yeh, go check my site because I look EXACTLY like Jessica Simpson. For the love of Maude!

Why would you even want to look like Sarah Jessica Barker?

This lovely lady is Scare-uh Michelle Geller. What the hell are these people thinking? Who tells them these things?

Ahh haaha haaa haaahahaaa George Clowny. I think he looks like the offspring of George Clooney and Jay Leno.

Meet this chick aka Jennifer Love Spewitt. Ummm riiiiiight. She's a cute girl and all but doesn't look anything like JLH.

Wow Check out Colin Ferret. A dead-ringer I tell ya.

I don't believe this one at all. Apparently someone made the grave (take that as you may) mistake of telling this woman that she looks like Mongrelina Jo-you-must-be-fucking-kidding-lie. Shame. Uhhhhh huh. I'm.in.shock.

No. No. NO. NO. No. Meet... John Ravolta!

Wok at this one:

2005-08-19T01:43:00.000-06:00

So, I've come to the realization after 7 years in this pit of hell, that I will never taste good chinese food again. The other day I called to order takeout from a place around the corner, a place, I might add, that has won numerous awards of excellence, Best of the State, blah blah blah. The following is an excerpt from the actual conversation that occurred: (no im not racist, she was chinese and had a thick accent)

Hello, Rice something, how can I hep you?

Yes, I'd like to place an order for takeout.

K, what would you like?

I'd like an order of Kung Pao Chicken, extra spicy and an order of Sesame Chicken.

All same chicken, you still wan both?

Excuse me?

All same chicken.

I'm sorry, I dont think I follow.

ALLL SAMEEEEEEEEEE CHIIIICKEN.

OKAY, whatever fine sure okay.

Be ready in 10 minutes.

I was completely perplexed on my way to pick it up. All same chicken? By the end of the phone call she was screaming it in my ear. I got it, took it home and began to plate it up and realized it was in fact all the same chicken. Puffy, deep fried chicken for both orders. Whoever heard of putting puffy chicken in Kung Pao? Furthermore, Sesame chicken is not supposed to be puffy either. I've always had it with dense, fried, dark meat chicken, not puffy, fluffy bunny ,white meat deep fried to a golden brown like a Mcnugget. Panda Express' rice tastes like an ashtray smells. Deep fried panda would most likey be more appetizing and juicy. Hu-Non uses the same sauce on all their meals. (Hey they should team up with Rice something!) China Grizzle has Smores for dessert,that's just fecking absurd. China Gorry, also a winner of many things, they're great if you are constipated. I ate there once and had diarrhea for a month. Also, great if you have a naive friend willing to try the deep fried crab stick. (dont kill me, flee) Last but certainly not least China Buffet (clever name), I got stabbed trying to get some crab legs from there. People rushed the buffet table like it was a blue light special on Christmas lights. So, that's it. Chinese food sucks here.

(the names of some of the restaurants have been changed because I felt like it)

---judyfinkel

God on sale now!

2005-08-16T02:00:00.000-06:00

All out of God? Then its your lucky day. Pick him up at the
Jesus Christ Superstore

He comes fully equipped with an AK-47 assault rifle and a cloak of invulnerability.

GET YOURS NOW OR HE'LL SMITE YOU!

--judy

Probably Should Be... Dead Ringers

2005-08-15T01:12:00.000-06:00

Most of my time on the internet is spent looking at useless junk and poopy websites. The other night I stumbled upon a site with celebrity look-a-likes. These people are so dead on that I could NOT tell they weren't the real deal.

This is Sylvester Stallone in the movie Rambo. His RUGGED good looks are known the world over. Silly me, that's an impersonator. I honestly couldn't tell.

Wow! She has TOTALLY captured Nicole Kidman's look. Her eyes say it all.

Hey Kenny Rogers! Wait, that's NOT him? I can't believe my eyes.

She looks EXACTLY like Pamela Anderson. I'm pretty sure someone took a DNA sample of Pam herself and cloned her beauty.

------ Fleedawgie

Stuff for Boredom

2005-08-14T15:58:00.000-06:00

I'm the BEST KISSER EVER!

left brain, right brain

Your Porn Star Name is: Sindee Slickbooty

Get your own Porn Star Name

Tons more useless shit to do on www.blogthings.com.
--judyfinkel

Strip Generator is FUN!

2005-08-14T00:50:00.000-06:00

Grizzly Comic
Just remember kids: Sandwiches are good.

--judyfinkel

Thanks to Pred and Christie for the heads up.

Useless Fun

2005-08-12T17:29:00.000-06:00

This page keeps me entertained for ohhh I guess a few minutes. My mind is blank with anything worthy today so this is what you get.

Here is my piece of crap. Post yours in our comments section if you friggin feel like it.
---Fleedawgie

Ain't No Hollaback Girl

2005-08-11T15:26:00.000-06:00

Man this girl is so ugly that:

-She made Stevie Wonder flinch.
-She joined an ugly contest and they said "Sorry, no professionals."
-When she goes to the beach, cats try to bury her.
-When her mom dropped her off at school, she got a ticket for littering.
-Her dog has to close its eyes when it humps her leg.
-I took her to a haunted house and she came out with a job application.
-Her shadow quit.
-Her rice krispies looked up at her and said "damnnnnn"
-It makes you wish birth control was retroactive.
-She has to creep up on her makeup.
-She had to trick or treat over the phone.
-She makes onions cry.
-She was a guard for Castle Greyskull
-When she looks in the mirror her reflection ducks.
-When she was born her incubator had tinted windows.
-She has a mail-order dentist.
-The last time I saw something like her, I pinned a tail on it.

Pred don't like ugly.
All I can say is....Bless her.

---judyfinkel

Awww C'mon. Am NOT! ---Fleedawgie

2005-08-10T05:07:00.000-06:00

You are

What Rejected Crayon Are You?

Are you lost sweetheart?

2005-08-08T16:52:00.000-06:00

"DAMN YOU HILLARY, YOU STOLE MY LOOK!!!!"

The Reverend Kane is in extreme agony over Hilary Duff's recent change in appearance: "It's obvious, she's trying to look just like me! I've worked hard to perfect my unique style and her blatent attempt to copy it is appauling!"

You be the judge:

I think the evidence is clear.
----Judyfinkel

No That's Not What I Meant!!!

2005-08-07T01:44:00.000-06:00

So I was bored and typed "dirtyspork" into Google and:

Did I mean WHAT??? Erm, no.

So, of course I had to search for Dirtysperm and discovered some interesting things:

Dirtysperm is the the name of a band in the Stephen King and Peter Straub Novel "Black House".

That's really all I found...If you don't count the porn. Lots of porn.

Did I mention I found porn?

a lot of porn.

------judyfinkel

Buffy Say What?????

2005-08-07T00:45:00.000-06:00

Clearly she wants pho (foh/fah/foah). Now I like Vietnamese Noodle Soup Houses too but she seems very passionate about the subject. Perhaps it's the craving for the flavor of cilantro or maybe a heavy hankering for fatty flank that has her demanding the food. Either way she wants it and she wants it NOW!

------ Fleedawgie

Quality New and Used Kittens For Sale

2005-08-01T23:08:00.000-06:00

I'm not sure I'd want a used kitten. It would have to be a really decent price. Fresh kitten is certainly always the best way to go, but hey I'm all for a good deal.

-----JudyFinkel

Uh huh

2005-08-01T17:50:00.000-06:00

Today has been one of those days... flee

Jeff Corwin:Raisin Smuggler

2005-07-31T23:29:00.000-06:00

I've decided I'm fascinated by Jeff Corwin's nipples.

They are always hard. Does he have a nipple fluffer like Jennifer Lopez?

-----JudyFinkel

A Grizzly Chicken : Ugly Skinny Girl

2005-07-29T03:39:00.000-06:00

2 girls meet long, long, ago cattywompus from the west-side.

They become BFF.
And now they are GrizzlyChicken.
----Judyfinkel and Flee